the Hobby Lobby

There is a place where all plastic pumpkins squat on shiny floors; where all season flowers and stalks are made laminate-plastic or papery-plastic; where the smells takes you over completely, side-by-side with the feeling of wanting escape. 
Let me describe the smell: So, mixture of the dentist office (air-conditioning rattle, buzzing tooth cleaner machine noises, plastic denture filings) and a hampster cage (the fluffy corn-coloured crap you have to buy to line the bottom that soaks up all the urine and turds, not to mention when they kick it through the bars and it ends up all over your bedroom floor. Kinda like that.
The god-forsaken staff wears gigantic blue smock-thingies that beg you to pleeeeease not hold back asking all of your stupid questions. Where can i find the little porcelain ducklings? oh, there are aisle numbers? i don't see any aisle numbers.
It is a place where all mock-figurines and cheap knock-off de-cor-a-tive i-tems, and all cheap, knock-off craft-supplies, half-built-for-you craft supplies or cheap knock-off already-MADE crafts are available in PLENTY. 
that place is Hobby Lobby. 
Hey, it's not your fault you can't find anything better to do with your time. Hobby Lobby is there for you.
Have you ever felt that you lack the experience of watching women ...(no men in this place, except for the one eccentric frame-department guy who is way too helpful for comfort)... waddle back and forth between autumn wreathes, because they are all just so gorgeous and it might just take an F-4 tornado to tear those manufactured maple-leaves from the foam interior, right? That's right...look no further, adventure addicts! Hobby Lobby is going to give you countless ways to waste your planet's resources and your precious time gluing more glitter to your craft-table than your popsicle-stick what-ever-the-hell project you bought in separate baggies for a total of 11.99! have fun this friday night you wild-thing!
There are giant hanging posters of everyday people (like you and me!) crafting! and it reads, "Create Happy past-times!" How overwhelmingly empowering. 


okay okay, to be fair...there is One actual positive side to the HL that i have not highlighted yet, and that is their half-way decent selection of figurine animals. no seriously. the dinosaurs are actually pretty awesome, heavy in weight and one of them can open and close it's mouth. Not that i collect things like that, but if i ever need one, i know of one enormous building full of crap i can go to and possibly find it!